Turkey Troubles… and Musings from the big "W"…

So, here we are again.  Another thanksgiving.  My least favorite holiday of all time.  And it isn’t because I am not thankful – or that I don’t like turkey – or parades – I love all that stuff.  It is just a tough day for me.

On this day, years ago, I was sitting in the sunroom at my parents house.  Leaves we gorgeous, the air was cool and crisp, and we had just came in from throwing a football.  I look over at Shaun, and he had tears running down his face.  I asked him, “What’s wrong?” And he said to me, “This is all I ever wanted.  I never thought it was possible.”  And then he died six and half months later.  That was our last thanksgiving together, and he was so happy.

Now, I hear all the time, “You need to enjoy the day – you need to do  it for the kids… Be happy his last thanksgiving was amazing.”  And yes, I do to an extent.  It isn’t being off – it isn’t the holiday per se.  Its the haunting memory that comes with it. I have been strong since he died.  Over, and over, and over, and over.  This day, affects me like birthdays- anniversary – christmas, affects others.  Part of my heart breaks again.  My throat doesn’t want to swallow.  My eyes feel burny.  There is a part that feels lonely.

So, I came upstairs to get ready for my day.  And I decided to let it out.  I cried, hard – sitting in my bathroom floor.  I decided to write this – because I know if I feel this way, others do too.

Today, I am gonna allow myself to mourn and be sad.  Right now.  In this minute.  And then, I am going to be thankful.  Happy.  I am so blessed.  I am so loved.

But, if you are mourning this thanksgiving – allow yourself.  Just don’t let it consume you.  I have done that the last few years.  Today will be different.  I will acknowledge it.  Let myself feel it.  Be thankful that I am alive to feel it.  And carry on.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Thank you for being you. You have come a long way and so have I . I remember how happy Shaun was to this day about being a family and celebrating the holidays and his life. I'm blessed to have you in my life and I will never forget. I to cried but then I realized how blessed I am. Thankful for the time I had with you and yours as well with Shaun..

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