What a week….

It’s interesting what a week can bring.  And yet, although it has brought a lot – I am back here – writing again.  A level of comfort for me I guess.  I have been criticized for blogging everyday – so I tried to back off – but now, I think I am going to say kiss it.  It helps me – so don’t judge.  What works for some, doesn’t others. 
Here’s a synopsis of my last week.  I have been miserable.  Thanksgiving, although was precious because I got to share it with friends and my kiddos – was horrible.  I was miserable.  Sad.  The day felt like it would never end.  And I just wanted it to be over – or start it over with Shaun beside me.  We had so much fun last thanksgiving.  We visited my parents in Tennessee, we went black Friday shopping, we rode a mule through the woods – it was wonderful.  And this year I felt empty.  I really did.  And don’t get me wrong – I am thankful for all I have.  But just because you are thankful for all you do have – doesn’t mean that you don’t mourn the one you lost.  And mourning can be overwhelming.
Mourning can also make you sick.  I’ve learned that.  You must eat.  And keep it down (not to be gross).  I got sick.  Ran a fever.  Apparently, all vitamins, minerals, etc. – was bottoming out.  So now – I am on meds and trying my best to keep food in me.  I never had the issue of eating, or not wanting to – I should say.  A whole new problem.  Not to mention, all the other stuff that’s been going on.  I guess this is what I am saying.  It is still hard.  Very hard.  And It hasn’t gotten easier.  It breaks my heart everyday.  Everyday I pray that I will wake up and it will be June 22 – and he won’t die – and all this will be a bad dream.  And everyday, I wake up – and my nightmare is my reality.  And everyday, I have to digest it again.  So keep praying for me – because it’s hard.  God has been so good to me.  And prayers are what have gotten me through it.  I still need those prayers – you have no idea how much they help.  Love you guys.

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