I read a quote tonight – here it is.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings
And one more…..
“Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ” ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750
So, I have found my topic of thought – which has stewed in my head in little, wispy, thoughts – all around me. But there are many, many things I miss about Shaun. But here is one – the man loved it when I was just me. Just me-in all forms. Shaun realized something – that being a great man, a great father, a great husband, did not require him being right – he just needed to be real. He didn’t hide anything. And what I mean in that, is if he acted mad – and I asked him what was wrong – he told me. If he didn’t like something I did, the kids did, he told me. He rarely kept things bottled up. He kept some things personal – I don’t think being real means being a complete open book to everyone you meet – but he was Shaun. He dressed the way he wanted to. He sang as loud as he wanted to. He had a question, he asked it. You asked his opinion (you better really want it) – because he would give it to you lock, stock, and barrel. And here is what I think – you have to know yourself to be yourself. Have to. Otherwise you are gonna have some problems.
And I have learned a lot about myself the last 8 weeks. And I will be myself. If someone asks me a question – expect an honest answer. I will let everyone know how I believe, I will recognize my short-comings, and work on those. Why? Because I want people to know the real me – and love the real me. I can’t worry about being over sensitive to the where no one really gets to know me. I want people to experience what I am experiencing – but without the tragedy that it took to get me here.
But I will wear funky shoes, cool jewelry, and have tattoos. Why? Because they make me smile. And if folks think it’s weird? Then let’s talk about it – we might become buddies. And frankly, we only live once. And it can be over in an instant. Live your life to the fullest – enjoy every second – and make an impact on humanity while you do it. Of course you will cry – I do about 70 times a day. But I will make God proud, Shaun proud, my kids proud – and I will die trying to do so. Love you guys…
(And sidenote – Shaun loved the weird jewelry, funky shoes, weird accessories – and he would always say, “Now babe, that’s you. I never thought I would say that about anyone – but you rock it. ” So, apparently, when you are yourself, you rock it. So – Let’s all rock it. Cause Shaun loved himself some Shaun – and he rocked it, too!)