Two weeks….

So, today is two weeks.  It doesn’t seem possible.  I think part of me is still in denial.  Last night was no good.  I just wanted him in bed beside me so very much.  One of Shaun’s friends who he had somewhat lost contact with called me last night – he had just found out.  My heart broke for him, too.  I wanted to console him, but I can’t because I can’t even console myself.  The feeling of being without the one you love – and the one that loved you back seems impossible.  Because just because he is in heaven doesn’t mean that I am not in love with him anymore.  I still am – I still feel completely the same way.  I look at his pics, and I know what some of those looks meant – and it’s like he’s still there for a second.  I kiss his pics, I hug his Urn.  I feel like a morbid freak at times.  I just don’t ever want to let him go.  I wish I could put into words the sadness and longing that I feel.  I can sit in a room full of people and I feel alone.

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